The long lost gym

I found it! The long lost gym! I didn't need Lassie or anything! hehe Yep.. I went to the gym today (well.. yesterday.) I did the Week 1, Day 1 of the Couch to 5K program plus a little bit, for a total of 40 minutes on the treadmill. I was tired afterward because I really haven't done much the last 2 months, but I sure felt good too! The day before I was watching tv and got some motivation. Because it was like 3am, I just got up and marched/walked in place and ran during commercials for 30 minutes. Better than sitting on my butt. ;-) I have plans to go back today. My hubby has put on a few pounds and isn't happy about it, so he's motivated too. Yay! I really want to get the whole family moving more. It's a process...

I'm looking at 5Ks. I really want to do one. I think I'm gonna shoot for Susan G Komen's Race for the Cure. That's in May so it gives me plenty of time to get in better shape and do well. I know I could walk it now, but I want to run it. That's my goal. If another interesting one pops up between now and then, I may do it, but for now I'll keep that one in my sights.

In other (yet equally fabulous) news, I haven't had a cigarette since 7am on the 27th! Go me!! We quit smoking inside and I spent over 3 days cleaning and de-stinking our home last week. We were both down to about a half a pack per day. The 26th I only had 4 and the 27th I got up (that evening) and didn't want one, so I've been fighting the habit since. The cravings are too bad (hugs my Chantix) but the habit is hard to break. Also, when I get anxious over something I want one, but I haven't given in yet, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

My low carb Christmas dinner was fabulous. It was about the same as Thanksgiving, but I didn't do cranberries and made pumpkin caramel cheesecake instead of pumpkin pie. I highly recommend the cheesecake. o..m..g..!!! So good. My mom came over and although she had plans to eat somewhere else, she tried the dishes I made and enjoyed them. Yay! I wish I could get her to eat more low carb stuff. Her diabetes has messed her up for years. Maybe I can be the proof and get her to change her ways? Worth a shot. =)

I'm waaaaayyyy behind on my Reverb10 posts. I'll try to get back later and do some.

Smoking.. or lack thereof

So I have been on Chantix for 2 weeks. The last few days I was down to half a pack. Today I've had 4. =) I've pretty much lost the craving, but the habit/boredom thing still gets to me sometimes. It's a process though, so I'm VERY proud of how far I have come. On the other hand, I didn't eat so well today. Oops. I'm back on it though and hope to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to get my lungs and body back in shape so I can get back to work and actually function normally. I'm at 132.. still up from 129. I think it's the lack of movement, and not just formal exercise, but regular life too. I walk a LOT at work and since I haven't been doing that, I think it's adding up. I do a lot of sitting around. I'm going to try to do some cleaning and organizing that I've been wanting to do. That will help my activity level somewhat. I feel like I'm on the upswing though. I am a little more optimistic and think that the lack of smoking is helping tremendously. Hopefully I will be back to work soon. I sure miss my work friends! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Dec. 16 Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I've always tried to be a good friend and I realized a long time ago that there are VERY few TRUE friends.. people that you can trust with your life. That view has been very well supported this year. My best friend has been there for me EVERY day. I love her soooo much and feel grateful to have her in my life. On the other hand, people that I thought I knew and could trust, showed me that I can't. That really bothered me, but I should've known. Oh well.. I've forgiven and moved on. That's all I can do. 

Dec. 17 Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that I CAN reach goals if I work hard and put my mind to it. I lost weight and became healthier. I still have some work to do and need to get my focus back, but I WILL do it. I will continue to keep working and remember that I'm strong and worth the work. I have to love myself and my health and my life more than the crap food and laziness that sometimes takes over. I want to be a gym rat and lead an active lifestyle with my family and share what I have learned with them. I want them to change some of their ways for the better also. I want us all to be happy and healthy for a long time.

Dec. 18 Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it? 

Next year I need to figure out how to exercise better around my work schedule. It needs to be a priority again. I miss the gym, but can't seem to make myself go. Blah. I'm such a procrastinator. My sleep schedule doesn't help either. Sigh. Maybe I need to plan my exercise time, like an appointment. I don't know. What works for you? I lost weight in 2010 and I feel so good about it! In 2011, I want to focus on toning and reshaping my body and keeping up with low carb better. Less cheats. Normal A1c. That's my plan.

Dec. 19 Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? 

Fun. Fun healed me this year. My job can be very stressful, both physically and emotionally and when I enjoy time with friends or family, I can just let go. I truly love that time. I crave it. I also need time alone too. I think that's why I like my late nights. I am just here while everyone is asleep. It gives me time to process things in my head or just zone out on the computer or tv. In 2011 I would like to be stronger and more determined. I want to focus on goals and make them happen. No excuses. 

Dec. 20 Prompt: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

The first thing that comes to mind is to quit smoking. I should've done that a long time ago. I'm working on it now though, so kudos to me! hehe I was scared. It's such a security to me. I know I need to quit... it's expensive. It's unhealthy. It smells. There are a ton of places where it's inconvenient to have to go outside to smoke. I hate it, but at the same time it's scary to quit. I knew Chantix helped, but I also knew that you have to be in the right frame of mind to quit or else it won't work. I think I'm finally there. I hope that it works this time. I don't want to relapse once I totally quit... which should be tomorrow. Eek!! I need to do something to be active tomorrow. Like I said earlier, it's the habit/boredom thing that makes it more difficult. I CAN do this. (but still.. eek! lol)

Pulmonary appointment

I haven't posted for a few days. I wasn't feeling well and was eating junk I shouldn't have been, which made me feel even worse. I'm back on track though. ;-)

I got to have dinner with my best friend, which really brought me spirits up. I needed that. I ate well for dinner, but had a desert. It's ok. I don't regret it. I just can't do that regularly.

I went to the pulmonologist. He did some breathing tests and said they came back normal. (Shocking, considering I've smoked for about 21 years!!) My oxygen was fine. They did a walking test.. A nurse just walked me around the halls to see if my oxygen dropped. It didn't, but I did get winded. The Dr said that I keep getting short of breath because I've been sick for so long and that even though the infection is gone, I keep going through an inflammation cycle. He gave me more steroids and told me to continue the inhaler and to quit smoking. He really stressed that. lol I have been on Chantix and cut down to half a pack a day. I have been feeling good about that. He said that was good, but that I NEEDED to quit. completely. today. if I wanted to get better. Sigh. I'm really trying. I have an appointment with my family Dr today. Hopefully he'll be happy with everything.

I've gotten REALLY behind on my Reverb10 posts! Let me try to catch up...

Dec. 10 Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?


My wisest decision was to get back on Atkins. I've lost weight, kept my blood sugars down, and felt better. I absolutely LOVE eating this way! Sure I miss some of the high carb junk and I do indulge now and then, but I sure don't miss the bloating and feeling like crap. I haven't been perfect on my journey, but it's a lifestyle thing, so I'm ok with that. =)

Dec. 11 Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? 

1. Cigarettes- enough said.

2. Excess fat- I don't think I'm overweight, but there IS excess fat that can be lost. I just need to tone up.

3. Clutter- I need to clean and organize my home. There just isn't enough room for all of our stuff!

4. Soda- I don't want to totally cut it out, but I drink way too much diet cherry pepsi.

5. High carb junk- Since I'm basically on maintenance, I don't have a problem with some higher carb foods in moderation. However, I don't need the JUNK. I don't need a bite of this and a bite of that. I want to have a great LC 2011.

6. Stress- I need to learn to let go of things. There is normal stress that we all deal with, but I need to let go of unnecessary stress.

That's it for now. I'm sure there are other things, but these were the top things that came to my mind.

Dec. 12 Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

Hmmm... I saw this one and have thought a lot about it, but I really am not sure. On one side, I can't think of a specific time. On the other, I feel like I'm always cohesive. I mean, when I am losing weight and active and fitting into clothes, I'm happy and my mind is happy. If I eat bad or feel bad, my mind feels bad. I don't know.

Dec. 13 Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

My next step is to get back in the gym! That's the only way I'm going to get my body the way I want it. I'm pretty happy with my weight, but I really want it toned up and tight. I want to comfortably wear a bikini. I want to wear jeans with a fitted shirt and not worry about parts that shouldn't be there. lol In 2011 I want to be a gym rat. =)

Dec. 14 Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I wouldn't say I've "come to appreciate" because I always have, but I truly appreciate my family and friends. They are very supportive and always there for me. I absolutely could NOT ask for a better group of people. They support my LC lifestyle and always try the new recipes that I make. They deal with me when I'm down, and try to bring me up. We have fun. We laugh a lot. We cry together. I love my people!!

Dec. 15 Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

• The beach trip with my bff
• Miranda graduating elementary school
• Coming out of orientation at work
• Nights out with my bff and husband
• Wedding beach trip with sis and friends
• Kayla getting her license
• Losing 35+ pounds
• Fitting into Kayla's jeans
• Snow
• Taking the girls to their first KISS concert
• Quitting smoking (crossing my fingers!)
• My first LC Thanksgiving
• Reconnecting with old friends

Ok.. that's all for now. I'll catch up on the other ones later. I hope you have a fabulous day!

 

Music makes me happy

Tonight my 11yr old daughter was in a program at school. It was band, orchestra, and chorus. She is in the chorus. It was really cool. I was a proud mommy. =)

I woke up today and still didn't feel well. I really think I'm getting another cold on top of the lung problems. Sigh. Anyway, physically, I did NOT feel like going to her program. I didn't want to move off the couch. I was tired and had a headache, blah, blah. But I got ready and we went. We told her to tell her teacher that I didn't feel well and that after she sings, we may have to leave early.

The orchestra played first. Then the chorus sang. The did a song called Frosty Hand Jive. I loved it! It was a mix of Frosty the Snowman with some hand jive moves from Grease. It was so cool. After the chorus sang and before the band started, my husband asked me if I wanted to stay or go. I felt awful. I was shaking from the Advair. But I wanted to stay! I was enjoying the music and there's something about seeing the kids in programs that makes my heart so full. I had a good time.

This kinda leads in to the Dec. 9th Reverb10...

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Local band shows. I LOVE them! My best friend and I have our favorite and we go see them every chance we get. We've become friends with them and always have a great time. We drink, dance, and laugh. a lot. The band is great. They play songs that we know and love. They're funny and cool and umm not hard on the eyes either. lol We (and/or my husband) also go see my brother-in-law's band quite a bit. I have known some of the people in the band and the crowd for probably 13 years. We have fun there too, but it's just a different feel. There's been some drama involved with both groups, but overall it's a great time and I'll be doing it for years to come. =)

Photo Journal

One of my 101 goals in 1001 days was to write something good that happened every day for a month. (To find out about this project, look here.. day zero project ) Well, I was reading a blog and found an even better idea. The writer posts a photo of something that she's thankful for every day. I love it! So I'm gonna try that. Here is her thankful blog. If you want to see mine, there is a link to it on the right sidebar. I just started it, so check back later and see what makes me happy and thankful. =)

Alive

Last night I went to bed about 5am and was awake at 9am. I was going to stay up, take a shower, and go try to walk for a little bit, then have breakfast. I had gotten interested in a tv show that was on, so I was gonna watch that first, then get moving. Well.. I was so tired that I fell back asleep and woke up about 4:30pm. Sigh. Good news is I'm back to 130 again. Yay! When I first got on the scale it said 129.5, then 130. So close..

For dinner tonight I cut up sausage dogs and fried them with peppers and onions and I had steamed broccoli too. Yum!! I had some mixed nuts and a SF pudding cup as snacks. The hubby made cookies. I had 2. Blah. Right now, I'm enjoying a cup of hot green tea with cream. I love it. It just gives me a special feeling to drink hot tea. I don't know why, but it seems sophisticated or something. lol I've felt kinda snuffy and fuzzy headed today. I sure hope I'm not getting a head cold again. That's ALL I need!

I saw a commercial today that said "Everybody dies, but not everybody lives." I want to live. I want to feel ALIVE. I've always wanted to be one of those active people that is always out doing something. Enjoying life. I want to WANT to go hiking, and exercising, and running. My problem is that I'm a HUGE procrastinator and it's easy for me to get lazy. I'm working on it, but when I don't feel 100% it's difficult to get motivated even though I need to. My goal is to get to bed soon so I can get up at a decent hour tomorrow and do something.

Ok.. here's Dec. 8th Reverb10

Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I don't know what makes me different. I'm pretty average I think. Not too much of anything, one way or the other. I do feel that I'm a good, fun person though. I try to be a good wife, mom, and friend. 

My husband and I have a great relationship. Neither of us are drama queens. I try to make him happy and he does the same for me. I can't imagine life without him. 

My kids are my world. I don't spoil them or anything, but I'm always there for them, encouraging and supporting them. We laugh a lot! We're friends along with having a parent/child relationship. They are great kids and I think I had something to do with that. ;-) 

I love having a best friend like the one I have now. We talk constantly and she knows I'm always there for her. We have a ton of fun when we're together. I trust her with my life and she feels the same. Being a good friend is important to me. I've had friends that are not true friends. I'm very grateful I met her.

As far as other things that make me who I am... I am a crafty type person. I love making different things. I enjoy craft fairs and things like that. I only wish I had more room to work on things! I rarely do because I have to drag everything out, work on whatever project I'm doing, and put everything back. If I had a craft room like my Grandma did, I could leave things out and shut the door so I could easily come back to it when I wanted to.

I like to read, but rarely do that either. (See a pattern here?) When I get into a book, I hate to stop. I could read all night. Now that I'm out of work, I could do that, but usually I just don't have the time to do it. Well.. I could sometimes, but other things take priority.. even if they shouldn't. 

I like animals and music and live bands. I like fashion, but I'm not super trendy. I like casual, but cute or jeans and a t-shirt. I have a serious addiction to Diet Cherry Pepsi. I'm working on it.. I love lip gloss and lotions. I'm a girly girl but also a tomboy. I enjoy camping. I love roadtrips. I'm a huge Steelers fan. I have 4 tattoos (so far.) I like crime shows and medical shows. I want to go back for my Nurse Practioner license. 

I guess all these things combined make me ME and that's beautifully different. =) 

Lazy vs. Sick

Wow! I just read a sentence in someone's blog that really struck me...

I’m not being lazy. I don’t feel good physically. Those are 2 different things.

This came from Here and it made me think about my situation. When I'm sitting here reading blogs about people doing 5Ks or watching The Biggest Loser, I get SO motivated. I have all kinds of plans for tomorrow. I'm gonna exercise and eat right and drink water, but tomorrow comes and I don't have the energy. I don't have the breath to do anything. I've done well at eating right, but exercise? Ha! I don't have the energy to take a shower AND put makeup on/ do my hair. How am I supposed to exercise?? But I reeeeally want to! I want to make the most of this time off, but I can't. I look in the mirror in the morning and SEE myself the way I could look if I could tone up. I SEE it! By the end of the day, I don't. My cells expand (or something!!) and I just feel blah and lazy. I've spent the last how many ever hours on the couch. I hate it! I WANT to be active. I WANT to hike and run or even walk around the mall! But right now, I'd be happy with being able to walk from the couch to the kitchen and clean without being exhausted.

101 in 1001

I think goals are important. They give you motivation and something to reach for, something to look forward to. That's why I decided to sign up for this...

day zero project

The basic idea of this project is to make a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days (2.75 years.) I found it very interesting (and difficult!) to come up with that many goals. Some are simple, some harder and more time consuming. Some are aimed at health, some personal enrichment, some silly, but they are ALL things I want to do.

The goals must be (as I learned in nursing school..) SMART.

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Timed

For example.. No tv for a week or exercise at least 60 minutes, 3 times a week for a month.

From the website:

"Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple challenges such as New Year's resolutions or a 'Bucket List'. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips, study semesters, or outdoor activities."

Makes sense to me! I challenge you (if there is anyone out there reading this!?) to make your own list. Even if you don't do 101, give it a shot and let me know what you think about it. =)

Here's a story I just need to share too because it's WEIRD! I made my list last Friday. One of the goals on my list was to get back in touch with a friend that I haven't talked to in several years. She lives in another state where I used to live. We were bff's in high school when I was there. We had a misunderstanding in 2002 and lost touch. I have searched online for her many times, in many places (myspace, google, facebook, etc.) but never could find her. The DAY AFTER I made my list, SHE found ME on Facebook!! I seriously about fell over when I saw that notification. lol I told her about my list. She said that the day before (the day I made the list) she had been thinking about trying to find me and couldn't get it out of her head. The next day she searched and found me. Amazing! Maybe it's coincidence. Maybe it's fate. Maybe it's some odd connection that we have. I don't know, but I think that list has power!! haha

Have a fabulous day!

Fluctuations

I hate weight fluctuations! They are so aggravating. The last few weeks, my weight has been up and down.. only by a few pounds, but I still hate it. I'm getting ready for TOM so that probably has something to do with it. Also last night I had a little rice. I'm not beating myself up over it though. I know the weight will come back off. I'm sure that being stuck inside for weeks at a time hasn't helped either. I'm trying to get up and do more little things. It's not much, but it's better than sitting on the couch. Other than the rice and a cookie that my husband baked, I've done very well with my eating. My blood sugars are good. I feel good in that respect.

I can't remember if I said this already, so forgive me if this is a repeat, but I went to the Dr on Friday. He wants me to continue my Advair and Albuteral inhalers and gave me a 3rd antibiotic that's in a different class of the ones I took previously. My husband says he has a good feeling about this one. God bless him. lol I'm trying to continue the Advair, but it gives me tremors SO bad! I can't stand it. They are annoying and wear me out even more. I think I'm gonna stop. It doesn't seem to be helping anyway. I also have a referral to a Pulmonologist so hopefully he'll be able to fix me! Cross your fingers. I don't have an official appt. yet though. I'll find out soon.

Ok.. Here are the last few Reverb10 prompts...

Dec. 5 Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I let go of some bad habits. Even though some of the changes are waning right now, I still am better off than I was at the beginning of 2010.

On Feb. 28th I began Atkins (for the umpteenth time since 2003) but was determined to stick with it. Each time I started previously, I weighed more than the last time. This time I started at 153 lbs. I had previously lost 15 lbs. from graduating school and starting work. That was my highest weight ever 168. I was NOT happy at that weight. Anyway, I restarted Atkins. My goal was to be 135 by June 3rd because that's when my best friend and I were going to the beach. I knew I probably wouldn't be bikini ready, but I would feel better than I did the year before at 168! I hit goal at 134.5 on May 28th!! Exactly 3 months after I started and just before we left for the beach. I was SO happy!!

After the beach trip, I fell off the wagon a little bit, then fell totally off. I quit eating right. Quit going to the gym. Quit drinking water. I only gained a few lbs. back, thankfully, but I felt bloated and terrible. My blood sugars were high again and I had no energy. It took me until Sept. 6th to get back on track, but I've been good with my eating since then (for the most part. I have little cheats now and then, but they haven't knocked me off track.) I still need to get the exercise back in, but being sick hasn't helped my energy levels. It's a goal though. I've noticed that since I've quit formally exercising, I just *look* flabbier, even though I haven't gained weight. In fact, I'm a few pounds lighter than I was before. I had gotten down to 129. Today I was 132. My new goal is actually 128 so that I can say I've lost 40 pounds even. =) Actually I don't care what the scale says if I'm happy with how I look. If I put on several pounds of muscle, I know my scale weight will go up, but I'm ok with that, because I'll be trimmer, more fit, and probably smaller too. That's my true goal.

So I have let go of eating crappy foods, being lazy, and feeling bad about myself. I've worked on emotional status and feeling better with normal blood sugars. I'm still a work in progress, but it's going well. =)

Dec. 6th Prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I love crafty stuff. My grandma was a HUGE craft person and my mom is too. I think that's where I got it from. My grandma had a large craft room. I could spend hours in there! My sister and I used to spend a lot of Friday nights with her while my parents bowled in their league. All year round, we would make crafts to give as Christmas gifts. I loved it and miss her SO much!

Several years ago I started crocheting blankets for my daughters. I finished one of them, but not the other one. I told my daughter that I would work on it and finish it as soon as possible. One day I pulled it out to work on it and it smelled awful! I think one of the cats sprayed on it or something. Ugh. That smell is so hard to get rid of. Since I really wasn't that far along with the blanket, I just tossed it and decided to make her a new one. I still haven't started it! It eats at me whenever I think about it. I feel terrible. She's graduating high school this year and although we're not sure about where she's going to college yet, if she moves out, I'd like for her to be able to take it with her. I'm not sure if I have the yarn to start it, but while I'm out of work, I'd like to get going on it. I need to drag my yarn out and see what I can do. I hope I have something to work with because I can't really afford yarn right now. There is something else I'd like to do. I saw this idea on a message board that I visit. A lady was quilting (or crocheting granny squares, I can't remember) for each pound she lost. When she reached goal, she was going to make a blanket from her squares. I thought that was an awesome idea! Everytime she looks at it, she'll be reminded of how hard she worked and how far she's come. I want to make granny squares and can do that with miscellaneous yarn. That may end up being what I do, even though right now I'd rather make my daughter's blanket. I just want to do something productive with my time off.

Dec. 7 Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? 

I think a lot of my community feeling has come from the internet. In my outside life, I don't seem to have a lot of time to get involved in much. Maybe it's because I don't put myself out there, but that's a whole 'nuther story. lol 

Atkins Diet Bulletin Board 

I go here a lot. I first found it in 2003 and it was crazy busy! Things have slowed down quite a bit, but I still go here for motivation. I offer advice when I can, but I also read a lot. When I read things about low carb, I tend to be more inspired and motivated to stick with it.

Facebook 

Facebook has been a BIG part of me reconnecting with old friends and new ones alike. I also subscribe to some low carb people. I know some people are against facebook, but I keep most of my information private or only available to friends and I don't add people that I don't know. 

Other than that, I enjoy reading other people's blogs. Some of their stories are truly amazing. I find a lot of inspiration in them. In some way, even though I'm not really "friends" with them, I feel a sense of kinship with them by reading their posts. 

What are some of your favorite places to visit? Blogs, message boards, websites? I'm always looking for new places. 

Snow :)

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Snow!

Today we got the first snow of the year! I love snow. Growing up in Montana may have something to do with that. lol Here in NC, we don't get JUST snow very often. Usually it's mixed with ice, sleet, or rain. I feel so relaxed sitting here and watching it fall. My motto is.. I hate cold, but if it's gonna be cold it might as well snow so it's pretty. =) Last night I got to hang out with a friend that I haven't seen in a while. It was very cool. Then for it to snow today was the perfect ending to that reunion. I tried to catch snowflakes on my tongue, but got more in my eyes than anywhere. I twirled around in the falling snow like a little kid. There's just something about snow that is magical to me. The only time I don't like it is when it interferes with plans or I have to work. Other than that.. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! =)

This is today's Reverb10...

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I just don't have anything for this one. If I think of something, I'll come back and answer it. 

#Reverb10

I have decided to participate in Reverb10. If you want to check it out, go here..

Reverb10

Basically, it's a daily question each day in December that causes you to think about the past year and next year and write about it. I don't know if I will do every day because of time or interest in the question, but we'll see. Here are my answers to the past couple of days (since I'm behind.)

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Moody. 2010 has been a year of great ups and downs. I have felt vibrant, happy, successful, motivated, inspired, sad, worried, sick, tired, depressed, and shocked. 

I have faced things I never thought I would face. I have lost weight and become healthier. I've been sick and out of work. I've started working on my own as a nurse. I went to the beach with my best friend and had a blast. I've made new friends. I've had financial ups and downs. I've watched my oldest daughter drive away in her car for the first time. I've seen my youngest daughter become a middle schooler. I could go on and on...

For 2011 I hope my word will be successful. I want to achieve my fitness goals. I want to achieve my financial goals. I want to enjoy every day.

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

I'm actually going to change this to what doesn't contribute to my health/weight/fitness goals and what can I do to fix it?

1. Smoking. I REALLY need to quit. I have a box of Chantix sitting right there ---> that I need to start. I've smoked off and on (mostly on) since I was 15. It's past time to quit! That's one of my big goals.

2. TV. I sit on the couch and watch tv WAY too much. I need to get more active during my time off. I guess this one should include the computer too. I can waste hours and hours on this thing doing nothing! I need to shut everything off and go to the gym, go outside, clean, take my kids places where we can do things together, basically just get off my butt!

3. Snacking. I am allowed snacks, but I find myself eating sometimes just because I'm bored or craving something or want something sweet or crunchy. I need to refocus and ONLY eat when I'm hungry.

4. Not exercising. Lately I've been sick so it's harder to do, but in general I need to get moving more. I did really well for several months, but got out of the routine and haven't been able to get back on it regularly.

I just want to improve my self physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm working on it. Baby steps...

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

The first thing that comes to mind is the beach trip I took with my best friend. We were free. We just went away for a few days and enjoyed the beauty of the ocean. We sat in our beach chairs, raised our umbrellas, and closed our eyes. We listened to the waves crashing, the children laughing, and the seagulls umm making whatever sounds they make. It was so relaxing. We had no plans, no drama, no deadlines. We just did what we wanted to do. Ate when hungry. Went out on the town when we were ready. Laid on the beach for as long as we wanted. We even got tattoos (it was her first!) We just had a good time. We ate semi LC but didn't stress when we enjoyed ice cream or a hotdog and fries. It was uplifting. We've been the last 2 years (although the first time had problems because of others that went with us) and I already can't wait to go next year! 

LC Thanksgiving dinner

(Test from phone)
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Old blog

I was signing in earlier to post my previous post, and I accidentally put the wrong email address in the box. It logged me into a blog that I had started a few years ago. Very interesting to read now. If I can figure out how to merge the two, I'll do that, but for now if you want to see it here is the address...

Old Blog

It reminded me that I NEED to stick with eating right. Otherwise I'll just end up regaining the weight I have lost and have to start over. I definitely do not want to do that! I have bad days sometimes and fell off the wagon for a little while, but overall I think it's going to stick this time. Yay!! =)

EDIT... wooo hooo!!! I imported the old blog so now the posts are on this one. Sweet! Just click the "older posts" link and there they are, just before the first one this year. Gotta love technology!

Depression

Being sick for going on 6 weeks has been taking a toll on me emotionally along with physically. Even though I'm taking my Paxil, being cooped up in the house all the time and not having the energy to do anything is depressing. Last night I was pretty down. I really don't feel that I'm ready to go back to work because I won't be able to do my job efficiently. I don't want to depend on others all night, even though I know my wonderful co-workers would help me if they could. That being said... I went to occupational health on Tuesday to see if they would clear me to go back to work. I walked in the room and the nurse asked me what was going on. When I started talking (squeaking might be more accurate) the nurse backed up, actually OPENED the door and stood half in and half out of the room while she listened! Does that exude confidence that I should work around very sick patients?? Well, long story short, she told me that she couldn't clear me until my Dr. did. I went home, half relieved, half disappointed, and the spiraling downward started. I'm worried about my health and my finances. I applied for short term disability and hope to be approved quickly and receive the money soon. Please cross your fingers, pray, wish on a falling star, etc. for me.

Today I do feel a little better. My husband is very supportive which helps a LOT. If he was giving me a hard time, I would not be so hmmm upbeat? about this situation. We are both worried about bills and Christmas for the girls, but there isn't much I can do about it. All we can do is have hope that this will end soon.

As far as eating goes, I've been doing well. Hubby made chili tonight, which is higher carb than I'm comfy with, but since I'm technically on maintenance, I can have beans occasionally. I try not to do that much because of blood sugar issues, but I felt ok with having a bowl tonight. I didn't eat crackers with it, which is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I love crackers in chili and soup. I need to find a low carb option for the rare occasions when I have either of those dishes. Hmmm. Any ideas?

Exercise still is lacking. I really want to try to gain strength and endurance, but it hasn't happened yet. I hope to get some walking in tomorrow. I keep saying that every day and haven't done it yet, but I'm doing the best I can. No.. that's not true. Sometimes I'd just rather be lazy (and warm) and not get out there and just do it. I'm gonna try again tomorrow. Even if I can only make one lap around the parking lot, or 10 minutes on the treadmill (depending on where I go) that's better than nothing. What are you doing tomorrow to reach your goals?

Until later...

Thanksgiving

So how did your Thanksgiving go? I did very well. I made a totally low carb meal (with mashed potatoes and Stove Top for the hubby) and it was delicious! The highest carb item I made was a yam/potato fluff kinda thing. Here was my menu:

Turkey with homemade gravy
Sausage and herb "dressing"
Homemade green bean casserole
Homemade cranberries
Yam/ potato fluff
Mock and cheese
Pumpkin pie

My daughters especially liked the dressing. So did I. I think I'm going to make that a regular side dish from now on. I was able to eat a whole plate and not have the bloated, blah, sleepy feeling afterward. It was fabulous! I found most of these recipes online. Google is a wonderful thing. =) If you ever have a craving for something, just search... keeping in mind that your idea of low carb may be different than somebody else's. You can always adapt the recipe too. Add or subtract ingredients. For example, I added green peppers to the dressing. The recipe I was using didn't call for it, but I remembered seeing it in a different recipe. The yam dish was a combination of a couple recipes too.

I was worried about how my meal would turn out. I feared that I would feel like I was missing out, but I was surprisingly pleased with the results. My favorite part of the meal has always been dressing, whether it was Stove Top or homemade, I love it. I think I get that from my uncle. He always got his own big bowl of it. I sure do miss him. Anyway.. the recipe I made today didn't have any bread in it, but it was delicious. Next time I'm gonna double it so I can have lots of leftovers. I also found a recipe for LC bread to use in dressing. I may try that sometime too. My point to this rambling is that although I LOVE my mom's dressing, I have found a new one to love and I don't feel deprived in any way. There are so many recipes out there that you can make as alternatives to your high carb favorites. Granted, some may not taste exactly the same, but maybe you will find a new favorite! The key to making a diet change work is to experiment. Try new foods, new recipes. Keep your mind open. I have tried veggies that I've never had before and found that I enjoy them. Even if you don't love something the first time, try cooking it in a different way and see if you like that. My girls love the way I cook cabbage, but don't like the way my mom does. Mix things up. Keep it interesting and you won't get bored. ;-)

As far as my sickness goes.. I'm still not great. The hubby and I went to the store to get the ingredients for dinner and just walking around the store totally wore me out and made me start coughing. Ugh. I need to work on getting my strength back. (My voice would be nice too!) I might try to go to the gym and walk slowly on the treadmill tomorrow. I don't want to push it, but maybe a little bit of exercise that I can control would be good. Might try a cycle around the weight machines too. I don't know what else to do. My job can be crazy sometimes and I run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I'm not able to do that right now, but I HAVE to get back to work! Gonna give the light exercise thing a shot and see what happens. Wish me luck!

Falling down

I am still sick. Two trips to the Dr. A trip to the ED. Lots of different meds. I am still sick. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get better. Yes, I do feel somewhat better than when this first started. I don't have the head congestion or upset stomach. My cough is better, but still there. My throat still hurts occasionally, but not constantly, but my voice is still gone. Four weeks of not having a voice is really getting old. I still get short of breath if I'm too active. I'm very fatigued and weak. The PA in the ED gave me Advair. It causes me to tremble/shake. It kind of scares me, but if it will help me get over this, it's worth it. I've missed a lot of work. I feel like my coworkers think I'm being a slacker, even though they can hear and see that I'm not well. All of this has caused me to feel depressed. I'm still taking my Paxil, but being cooped up in the house and not feeling well is getting to me. I just want to get back to normal. My eating has slipped some. I can't seem to get back to 100% low carb. I'm working on it. Hopefully I can make it to work tomorrow. Maybe if I can handle my usual schedule, even if not totally, I will start to feel more upbeat. More normal. I just need some normal.

My life is not exciting, but I enjoy it. I have great family, friends, and coworkers. I appreciate all the concern they have given me over the past several weeks. I feel like I am letting them down because I can't pull my own weight. My husband has been fantastic. He's cooked and taken me to the Dr and just taken care of me in general. He's worried about me and our finances, as am I. I HAVE to get better. I HAVE to work. There is no choice, but I can't physically handle 12 hours on my feet.. running around taking care of others. I can't speak loudly to the older patients that are hard of hearing. I'm so frustrated and worried. What if I never get better? What if there is a more serious reason that I'm still having problems? The chest xray came back negative so I'm assuming there's no cancerous mass in my lungs (which I was worried about) but what if something else is wrong? I feel like I'm on an episode of Mystery Diagnosis. The trip to the ED was good and bad. Good because it wasn't pneumonia, but I didn't really get any answers either. "You had an infection and it's just gonna take some time to get over. Get some rest and quit smoking. Rest your voice. Take this Advair and finish your antibiotics and use your Albuterol inhaler." Thanks. Sigh. Ok.. I'm done rambling and whining now. Hopefully my next post will be more positive.

Back to work tomorrow

I'm finally going back to work. Of course, this is a week that I signed up for an extra shift too. Great. My wallet needs it, but I'm worried about how my body will handle it. I still get short of breath with too much activity, but I'll do the best that I can. I'm lucky to work with some great people that help others if needed. We have some fabulous team work in my unit.

I'm hoping that getting back to my normal schedule will help me get back on track with eating and exercise. There is an exercise challenge at work that starts tomorrow (today) so that should be motivational. I'm going to try to go to the gym every day that I'm off. My plan is to do 30-60 minutes of cardio and a cycle of the weight machines that I do. I need to get back to strength training. I had gotten out of the habit and was only doing cardio. I need to do both. I'm also thinking about walking a little when I get home from work in the mornings. I usually don't go straight to bed. Often I come home and check email, facebook, and all that other stuff so I could take a few minutes away from that and take a quick walk around my apartment complex. We'll see how it goes. I was up a couple pounds yesterday.. probably water retention, but I don't like it and need to get on top of it before it continues to go up. My jeans were snug and made me feel icky. I don't like icky.

I was reading a blog the other day and the lady was talking about vision boards and 101 in 1001. I'm thinking about doing both of those. I need some "feel good" inspiration in my life. I've fallen into a rut and need something to break it and keep me going. A vision board is where you take words or pictures from magazines or whatever and post them to a posterboard or cork board. These are things that you want in your life. I think it would be pretty cool to do. 101 in 1001 is a to do list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. Things you want to accomplish. Places you want to go. Stuff like that. I'm a huge list maker, so that's right up my alley. I found a site to make lists online so I may use that, or maybe I'll just do it in a Word document. First I need to get some ideas. 101 things is a LOT!

Has anybody done either of these things? Any suggestions?

Will it ever end?

So.. I am STILL sick! I've missed most of the past 3 weeks of work. Much of my time has been sitting on the couch watching tv or messing around on the computer because I get really short of breath if I try to do too much. It really sucks. It's funny how when I can't exercise, I want to. I would give anything to have gone to the gym while I've been out. I've had plenty of time to do it, but the feeling that I might die kept me at home. lol

I went to the Dr. last week and got several meds.. an antibiotic, inhaler, cough syrup, and steroids. I took everything like I was supposed to, but still didn't feel much better so I went back this week. They started me on a second round of antibiotics (a different one) and told me to keep using the inhaler as needed. FINALLY today, I feel a little better. I hope this is going away and not just another false hope day. Over the past 2 weeks, I've had a couple days or hours where I felt better, but then I went back downhill again. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I have the best friends in the world! Many of them have showed concern and checked up on me while I've been out of work. That absolutely means the world to me. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by such wonderful people.. at work and outside of work. I'm a lucky girl. =)

As far as eating goes, I've only been at 90-95% lately. It's getting way too easy to cheat and I need to get strict again. I haven't had full meal cheats, but bites of this and that and a few sugary desserts. Afterward I feel like crap and wonder why I keep doing it! *Idiot* I want my next A1c to be good! I want it to show me how well low carbing works. My fasting blood sugars have been good (except when I was on Prednisone because that raises it) so I am hopeful. Surely it HAS to be better than my last one. Eek! Starting now I'm back on track. No bites. No desserts unless they are LC. I'm not where I want to be and those things are not helping. I'm done.

I'm not sure how much exercise I can do without losing my breath and having a coughing fit, but I'm going to try to at least get outside and walk a little tomorrow. I'll keep my route short in case I need to come home, but I have to do something! I feel like a big ol blob for sitting on my ass for 3 weeks.

I've been reading a couple blogs lately. They are very motivating. This one.. Escape from obesity was so inspiring that I went back allllll the way to the beginning and read to present day. I highly recommend it. The other one.. Skinny Emmie I just started and I'm reading it backwards, but I'm hooked on it too. Take a look at them and let me know what you think.

Ok.. I'm gonna get back to reading blogs and hit the sack soon. Have a fabulous day! =)

Not down with the sickness

I have been sick for over a week. It's really getting old! It started with a sore throat and upset tummy. Then came head congestion. Then stuffy nose and cough. I think it's turned into bronchitis. Great. I tend to get that pretty easily. I have since I was a kid. Oh.. and this whole time, my voice has been gone. Ugh! I've done fairly well with my eating. The first few days, I didn't eat much because it hurt to swallow and my upset tummy didn't want it anyway. I have had a few carby things.. saltine crackers, a few pieces of Halloween candy, chili with beans (which technically I can have since I'm on maintenance, but it still feels like cheating. lol) I made a delicious chicken/veg soup and have had several bowls. With a couple of bowls, I've added a few crackers, but it's good without too. I'm hoping to make it to the Dr or CVS Minute Clinic tomorrow. I need an antibiotic and maybe an inhaler too. That's helped before. We'll see.

Here's what I did for the soup...

Put 3 chicken breasts in crock pot. Added chopped celery, broccoli (frozen), can of green beans. (Wanted to add cabbage but the pot was too small.) Added water, spices, and chicken bullion cubes that I had heated in the microwave to dissolve the cubes. Cooked on low all day.

Now.. the broccoli pretty much dissolved by the time it was done so I would suggest adding it later. lol The next day, I boiled some cabbage and broccoli until soft and added it to the soup from the crock pot. Very good! My daughter said "I have to be honest. This doesn't look good (the broth turned green) but it sure is tasty." That's good enough for me. =)

Carb Overload

Last week we had a goodbye party for someone at work. She is leaving to take another position and will be very missed. =( Anyway, everyone brought in food.. chicken pie, meatballs, fruit/veggie tray, cake, blueberry crisp, etc. I thought, well I've been good, I'll just have a little bit of what I want. That would've been fine except I wanted everything! All of my little bits of this and that turned into a full plate. I checked my blood sugar before eating. 131. After eating? 390! Holy crap! I felt awful. Took some insulin and get it down to 214 the last time I checked. Lesson learned. I didn't really have any cravings, but I did notice that I stayed hungrier for the next few days than I had been. I was surprised that my weight didn't go up from water retention, but I won't risk it again. I just can't do that to myself. I love the way LC makes me feel and I love myself too much to destroy my health anymore. A BITE of this or that now and then.. fine. But no more going overboard. So not worth it.

Size 8

I didn't realize it had been so long since I made a post. Oops. I am really trying to get better at doing this.

On Saturday, I weighed 131. Yay!! Each pound I lose is the lowest I've weighed in over 10 years probably. I'm one pound away from my goal of 130, although I wouldn't mind seeing 120's on the scale again. ;-)

One day last week I tried on my daughter's size 7 jeans just for fun. I wanted to see how far I had to go before I could fit into them. Joke was on me... They fit! Well.. they fit in the sense that I could get them on. There was pudge hanging over the top that should not be seen by human eyes, but the fact that I got them on was so exciting! So Friday, when my husband, my best friend, and I went out to dinner (bff and I got the salad bar and mini burgers sans bun) and went to Old Navy afterward, I wanted a new pair of jeans. I took a pair of 10's and a pair of 8's to the dressing room. The 10's fit (that's what I have been wearing) but were a little loose. The 8's fit, but had a little pudge, though not as bad as my daughter's 7's. I ended up getting the 8's because I didn't want to buy the 10's and shrink out of them. I can wear a shirt with the 8's that isn't form fitting and they look great! Plus it gives me the motivation to tone up my mid-section. The next day my bff and I went to the mall again. I bought some dress pants because I don't have any that fit. I got 2 pairs.. one in a 9 and one in a 7. I can not explain just how happy this makes me. One of my goals was to fit into 8's again and even though I still have some work to do, I did it! If I can tone up my middle, I may even get into 6's one day! I can't imagine what that would be like. I've never worn 6's! Even in high school when I thought I was fat (at 5'8'' and 125) I wore 8/9's. Amazing!

This morning I had flaxcakes and cottage cheese for breakfast. Yum! I'm not sure what I'll have for the rest of the day, but you can bet it'll be low carb and delicious! =)

I also wanted to add that I went to the Dr last week to get some prescriptions refilled. He was very impressed with my weight loss and choice to do low carb because of my diabetes. I got my new medications and they drew blood. My A1c came back high.. at 8.5 but some of the last few months I was totally off the wagon and not taking my insulin either. I've been strict since Sept 6th (except for 1 meal) so I'm going to get another A1c done in late November or early December and see what a difference it makes. My fasting blood sugars for the past week have been in the 80's and 90's so I'm very anxious and excited to see what it will be.

Beach weekend

Over the weekend I attended a wedding at the beach. A bunch of us stayed in some condos and had a great time! Some of these friends I have known for many years and some just for a little while, but I couldn't have asked for more fun. The wedding and reception were beautiful. The beach (one of my very favorite places) was amazing and the laughter never stopped. I am so glad I was able to make it.

I had planned on buying food and taking it to stay on track the whole time, but I didn't know for sure that I could go until the night before we left, so I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be. I did buy some snacks, but that was about it. When we got there, everyone kind of put together a list of food to get and someone went to the store. I ended up eating foods I shouldn't have, but I didn't overeat so I'm ok with that. I didn't gain any weight either. Wooo hooo!! Now, I'm back to only low carb.. eating bacon and eggs now. I consider that a small success since last time I totally fell off the wagon.

Exercise needed

I've been back on the low carb wagon for 2 1/2 weeks. I've lost the few pounds that I had gained while off the wagon, but no additional pounds. I've been doing better about drinking my water.. although some days are more successful than others. I think the key to losing the extra flab and toning up is going to be exercise. I'm trying to get back into the routine of it, but it's so hard.

Great.

I actually enjoy going to the gym. The difficult part is GETTING there. My brain says Go! but my body is soooo comfortable on the couch. Or I'm hungry. Or there's a show on tv I want to watch... I need to stop making excuses and just do it! There are times where I think I would like to do my Slim in 6 dvd because I know I'm not going to make it to the gym, but there just isn't enough room in my living room to do it. I've tried and I'm right against the tv. That doesn't make for a good workout. Sigh. But I'm vowing to start getting some exercise in. Even if it's just walking outside for 30 minutes. Something is better than nothing. I'm not gonna tone up while sitting on the couch reading low carb blogs and message boards or watching tv. I walk a LOT at work so that does help, but it's not "true" exercise in my eyes. So I'm going to get on the ball and hope I don't fall off. =)

My attempt at blogging.. again

I've tried this before, but never seemed to stick with it. Blogging, I mean. Well Mildred.. here we go again!

First, let me tell you a little about myself. I'm a 36 year old mother of 2 girls, aged 17 and 11. "Bug" is 17 and "Monkey" is 11. They are fascinating creatures. I'm in constant awe of how proud, and yet confused, I am of them on a daily basis. I'm married to a wonderful guy who has always been there for me, no matter what. He's truly amazing and today (well, maybe yesterday by the time this posts) we celebrated our 6 year anniversary. I'm very grateful for everything he has done for me. I am an RN. Graduated last year. Some days it's very rewarding, other days I feel like a glamorized waitress (not that there's anything wrong with that.) Overall though, I'm glad to be doing something that I enjoy. My best friend is also an RN. In fact, we met in nursing school. We are stuck like glue. Two peas in a crazy pod, we say. She's also low carbing and we keep each other going. She's a very big part of my life and I don't know what I'd do without her.

I began my Atkins journey waaaay back in 2003.. you know, when it was everywhere. I just had a few pounds I wanted to lose and was intrigued by the thought. I was working as a waitress then, and a coworker came to work talking about it one day. She pointed to a rack of ribs and said "I could eat that whole thing if I wanted." Well.. bam! I went to buy the book. *Always buy the book!* I realized that she had no clue what she was talking about because I'm quite sure that bbq sauce was loaded with sugar! But none-the-less, I was hooked. I wanted to lose about 20 pounds. I quickly lost 10 and although I didn't reach my goal (which looking back was probably too low) I maintained and loved the WOE for about 4 months. Then we had some money problems and as backwards as it is.. crap food is cheaper than real food. So I reluctantly fell off the wagon and gained back what I had lost and more. Since then I've been off and on the wagon countless times. As a diabetic, I know this is the way I need to eat, but I could never stick with it.

Fast forward to February 24, 2010... I was ready and motivated. I had put on some weight while in school and although I had lost 15 pounds when I started working (and wasn't sitting on my butt studying all the time,) I wanted to lose some more and feel better. So I started. Again. I was at 153 and set my goal to 135. My goal date was June 3rd.. the day my best friend and I were leaving for the beach. I knew I wouldn't have a supermodel body, but it would be better than what it was. I started eating strictly and exercising at least 3 times a week. I hit goal on May 24.. exactly 3 months since I started. I was elated! We went to the beach and had a blast. We got tattoos (which cost us money that we had planned on spending on food and entertainment, but hey, ya only live once!) So with less money to spend, we had to be careful about where we ate. We brought LC foods for breakfast and lunch, but planned on eating dinner out on the town. We didn't plan on eating hot dogs and fries and ice cream though. Oops. So when we got home, we tried to get back into the LC/exercise routine again. I did it half-assed for a while before I totally got off track. I only gained 2-3 pounds back, but I felt like CRAP! So we decided to start over and kick some LC butt! September 6th (Labor Day of course.. what?!) we started again and have been doing well since. It was only a few days before the bloated feeling was gone and I was down those 3 pounds I had gained. I haven't lost any more yet, but I'm ok with that. Ideally I'd like to lose about 4 more to hit 130, but more importantly, I want to tone up. I'm going to really focus on exercising to lose the flubber that is around my middle and thighs. I hope this blog will help keep me accountable. Eek! Come along with me, won't you?!