Monday, December 20, 2010

Smoking.. or lack thereof

So I have been on Chantix for 2 weeks. The last few days I was down to half a pack. Today I've had 4. =) I've pretty much lost the craving, but the habit/boredom thing still gets to me sometimes. It's a process though, so I'm VERY proud of how far I have come. On the other hand, I didn't eat so well today. Oops. I'm back on it though and hope to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to get my lungs and body back in shape so I can get back to work and actually function normally. I'm at 132.. still up from 129. I think it's the lack of movement, and not just formal exercise, but regular life too. I walk a LOT at work and since I haven't been doing that, I think it's adding up. I do a lot of sitting around. I'm going to try to do some cleaning and organizing that I've been wanting to do. That will help my activity level somewhat. I feel like I'm on the upswing though. I am a little more optimistic and think that the lack of smoking is helping tremendously. Hopefully I will be back to work soon. I sure miss my work friends! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Dec. 16 Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I've always tried to be a good friend and I realized a long time ago that there are VERY few TRUE friends.. people that you can trust with your life. That view has been very well supported this year. My best friend has been there for me EVERY day. I love her soooo much and feel grateful to have her in my life. On the other hand, people that I thought I knew and could trust, showed me that I can't. That really bothered me, but I should've known. Oh well.. I've forgiven and moved on. That's all I can do. 

Dec. 17 Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that I CAN reach goals if I work hard and put my mind to it. I lost weight and became healthier. I still have some work to do and need to get my focus back, but I WILL do it. I will continue to keep working and remember that I'm strong and worth the work. I have to love myself and my health and my life more than the crap food and laziness that sometimes takes over. I want to be a gym rat and lead an active lifestyle with my family and share what I have learned with them. I want them to change some of their ways for the better also. I want us all to be happy and healthy for a long time.

Dec. 18 Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it? 

Next year I need to figure out how to exercise better around my work schedule. It needs to be a priority again. I miss the gym, but can't seem to make myself go. Blah. I'm such a procrastinator. My sleep schedule doesn't help either. Sigh. Maybe I need to plan my exercise time, like an appointment. I don't know. What works for you? I lost weight in 2010 and I feel so good about it! In 2011, I want to focus on toning and reshaping my body and keeping up with low carb better. Less cheats. Normal A1c. That's my plan.

Dec. 19 Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? 

Fun. Fun healed me this year. My job can be very stressful, both physically and emotionally and when I enjoy time with friends or family, I can just let go. I truly love that time. I crave it. I also need time alone too. I think that's why I like my late nights. I am just here while everyone is asleep. It gives me time to process things in my head or just zone out on the computer or tv. In 2011 I would like to be stronger and more determined. I want to focus on goals and make them happen. No excuses. 

Dec. 20 Prompt: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

The first thing that comes to mind is to quit smoking. I should've done that a long time ago. I'm working on it now though, so kudos to me! hehe I was scared. It's such a security to me. I know I need to quit... it's expensive. It's unhealthy. It smells. There are a ton of places where it's inconvenient to have to go outside to smoke. I hate it, but at the same time it's scary to quit. I knew Chantix helped, but I also knew that you have to be in the right frame of mind to quit or else it won't work. I think I'm finally there. I hope that it works this time. I don't want to relapse once I totally quit... which should be tomorrow. Eek!! I need to do something to be active tomorrow. Like I said earlier, it's the habit/boredom thing that makes it more difficult. I CAN do this. (but still.. eek! lol)

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