Falling down

I am still sick. Two trips to the Dr. A trip to the ED. Lots of different meds. I am still sick. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get better. Yes, I do feel somewhat better than when this first started. I don't have the head congestion or upset stomach. My cough is better, but still there. My throat still hurts occasionally, but not constantly, but my voice is still gone. Four weeks of not having a voice is really getting old. I still get short of breath if I'm too active. I'm very fatigued and weak. The PA in the ED gave me Advair. It causes me to tremble/shake. It kind of scares me, but if it will help me get over this, it's worth it. I've missed a lot of work. I feel like my coworkers think I'm being a slacker, even though they can hear and see that I'm not well. All of this has caused me to feel depressed. I'm still taking my Paxil, but being cooped up in the house and not feeling well is getting to me. I just want to get back to normal. My eating has slipped some. I can't seem to get back to 100% low carb. I'm working on it. Hopefully I can make it to work tomorrow. Maybe if I can handle my usual schedule, even if not totally, I will start to feel more upbeat. More normal. I just need some normal.

My life is not exciting, but I enjoy it. I have great family, friends, and coworkers. I appreciate all the concern they have given me over the past several weeks. I feel like I am letting them down because I can't pull my own weight. My husband has been fantastic. He's cooked and taken me to the Dr and just taken care of me in general. He's worried about me and our finances, as am I. I HAVE to get better. I HAVE to work. There is no choice, but I can't physically handle 12 hours on my feet.. running around taking care of others. I can't speak loudly to the older patients that are hard of hearing. I'm so frustrated and worried. What if I never get better? What if there is a more serious reason that I'm still having problems? The chest xray came back negative so I'm assuming there's no cancerous mass in my lungs (which I was worried about) but what if something else is wrong? I feel like I'm on an episode of Mystery Diagnosis. The trip to the ED was good and bad. Good because it wasn't pneumonia, but I didn't really get any answers either. "You had an infection and it's just gonna take some time to get over. Get some rest and quit smoking. Rest your voice. Take this Advair and finish your antibiotics and use your Albuterol inhaler." Thanks. Sigh. Ok.. I'm done rambling and whining now. Hopefully my next post will be more positive.